So Northern Rock has finally been put out of my misery, and we can no longer short its shares.

But that’s not my point.

I want to know whether nationalisation means my taxes are now paying Kevin Keegan’s forthcoming implosion at Newcastle United? (A drama out of that particular crisis is surely only a few more matches away.)

And hands up if you think Alistair Darling should be compelled to wear a black and white replica shirt - to match those dodgy eyebrows - until the whole mess is properly resolved. Resignation is too good for him!

Blimey. Bets is back in the Amazon Top 500 of ALL books today. People who know more than I do about publishing tell me this is pretty good going for anything that’s been out for more than a few weeks.

So welcome to all new readers of the blog, who’ve found their way here as a result of reading the book - and thank you very much for all the nice emails you’ve been sending. (Especially the bunch from the first week of January that, er, arrived today. Email moves in mysterious ways between the UK and Spain.)

I don’t have much to tell you about my own trading at the moment - except that I scalped about a hundred quid out of the FTSE 100 at the end of the week, on the correct basis that it wasn’t going to survive much over 5900. Basically, I’m writing more and therefore trading less right now.

However, to celebrate the renewed success of Bets and the City, here’s a joke from my friend Beverly. She lives in America, and still hasn’t got the hang of that spread betting thing we do. But she sent me this to see if it would make me laugh. It did. See if it does the same for you:

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RETIREMENT PLANNING

If you had purchased $1000.00 of Nortel stock at the wrong time, it would have been worth $49 after one year.

With Enron, you would have had $16.50 left of the original $1000.00.

With WorldCom, you would have had less than $5 left.

If you had purchased $1000 of Delta Air Lines stock you would have $49 remaining.

But, if you had purchased $1,000 worth of beer/wine one year ago, drank all the beer/wine, then turned in the cans/bottles for the aluminum recycling REFUND, you would have had $214

Based on the above, the best current investment advice is to drink heavily and recycle.

I have written to the Good People at Finspreads to ensure that if my BUY on Apple - which is still Very Very Bad - fails to come good by March, then they will be happy to refund my losses.

I mean…. it was the Dog that made me do it. (Dow Jones says, ‘Hola’ by the way.)

I obviously have no control in these matters.

I am an enthusiastic supporter of the compensation culture.

Nothing is ever my fault.

And of course, if, by any chance, I happen to win, I’ll keep VERY quiet.

I shall also be suing Spurs if we fail to win the UEFA Cup, as I shall deserve compensation for emotional distress.

And I am investigating a claim against the Spanish Government, since the sun has failed to shine for three consecutive days.

As for the fat-boy greyhound trainer who’s taking William Hill to court, because it’s All Their Fault he blew £2,000,000… I really, really hope he gets sent packing with a flea in his ear.

Don’t you?

If you’ve read Bets and the City, you know that’s rule number one. It was handed down to me - like a tablet of stone - by my dad, when he used to liberate me from school on a Monday afternoon, and take me to the races at Fontwell Park… just to ensure I had a rounded education, you understand.

Which is why I can’t help but shudder, when I read the latest remark from Le Rogue Trader, Jerome Kerviel. Explaining his £3.7bn losses, he said: “You get a bit carried away.”

Makes me feel un peau better about my current Pomme Mac trade, that I really should have closed at $140. Surely the share price will recover by March. Won’t it?

Vive le sang froid.

But seriously, if you’re trading US stocks, remember they are usually FAR more volatile than their FTSE counterparts, so be especially careful to limit your losses. The flipside of which is that you can also make good wins. I traded Apple’s rolling contract from $120.17 to $125.48 on Thursday and Friday for a profit of £265. Which makes a bit of a dent in my long-term loser position…

…But I know full well that I got a bit carried away after Apple hit $200. Je suis stupide.