Further up the Amazon: Bets in the Top 50!
Monday, April 30th, 2007It all started just before lunch on Friday, with a phone call from my Big Brother. “Have you checked Amazon?” he asked.
I was still toiling away at Dow Jones’s fan mail. For all of you who have asked, his favourite food is Nature Diet, he prefers pigs ears to puff beef jerkey, and his career ambition is to play alongside Steven Gerrard in an England shirt. Also, I was nervously waiting on a phone call from the Potential New Man in my life (who has still not called…), so I gave BB short shrift.
“I’m working on my new book,” I lied.
“Sally, log onto Amazon right this minute. Then check out your old book.” That bossy voice I remember from childhood was ringing in my left ear, so I did as I was told.
****ING HELL. Bets and the City was on the Amazon bestseller list. At No 79.
Several things happened in rapid succession:
1. I heard BB chuckling, because - for once - I was rendered speechless. “You’ve done it, kid. Always knew you would.”
2. I burst into tears.
3. I threw up (my nerves always go straight to my stomach)
4. I awarded the Dow-Wow three pigs ears to play with
5. I hit the phones and summoned key members of the latterati - the Primrose Hill Mob who have been my friends and supporters since long before all this book business.
The entire afternoon was surreal. I’d been ecstatic when Bets got to No 102 in the wake appearance of Working Lunch. (If you missed it, you can still watch… details on sallynicoll.com) But those twenty-three places make all the difference. When you’re in the Hot 100, you get to experience the thrill of clicking on Amazon’s green and white Bestsellers tab. And hey presto! Your book appears.
Bets was one above ‘This Book Will Save Your Life’ - the novel about a wealthy Los Angeles trader whose heart attack triggers a midlife crisis. You’ll have seen it around - the cover looks as though it’s sponsored by Krispy Kreme.
confession time. I have harboured an ignoble grudge against this book ever since it was chosen for the Richard and Judy Book Club, and Bets and the City, er, wasn’t.
Revenge felt sweeter than a doughnut.
Amazon’s Best Seller Ratings change hourly. By the time my office floor was covered in empty wine bottles and pigs ears, Bets was at No 68.
Now this really was mindboggling.
I was on the same internet page and best selling list as some REALLY famous authors: Felix Dennis, whose ‘How to Get Rich’ is an excellent read, the Juice Master, Marian Keyes, Edward de Bono (blimey, I am on the same list as Edward de Bono, whose office, I just read, is as chaotic as my own; maybe that’s what I’m doing right) and even Alexander McCall Smith.
The real fun of the afternoon, however, was only just beginning.
I spent the next few hours directly under Piers Morgan. To the general hilarity and obvious remarks of my increasingly pissed pals. His book is called ‘Don’t You Know Who I am?’ Bet you £500 he’s never heard of ME!
Piers and I continued to kayak up and down the Amazon. In tandem. By the time it was getting dark, we were up into the 50s. But try as I might, I had was still under PM.
“Look where you are now!” slurred Retired Reggie. “Sandwiched between Piers Morgan and Ian Rankin. Are you having fun?”
Ian Rankin? I was selling more books (for that hour, anyway) than IAN RANKIN? Does it get any better than this?
Actually, yes.
Midnight came and went. Half an hour later, having made a significant contribution to the glass recycling cause and taken Dow Jones to the top of The Hill where we stared at London’s always-awesome night skyline - I found it a bit hard to focus - I was ready to turn off the computer.
One final check.
I was at No. 52. And on top of Piers Morgan.