I am also glad that the you mentioned that the book made you smile. I did try to insert the odd moment of “humour”, such as my light-hearted description of Mick Jagger, fitness fanatic, as “Mick Jogger”. My staff greatly enjoyed that, as they do all my jokes. I am glad you are of a like mind with them. Of course, when laughing, it is important to laugh at the right times and in the right places, which, in my experience, certain obtuse people do. Take my mother, father, brother and sisters. During a parlour game, I sat them down and had them try to guess which famous “celebrity” I was impersonating. The impersonation went as follows; “Moi nime is Moichel Cine”. To my mounting exasperation, and despite my repeating the impersonation several times, they professed total ignorance as to who I was “doing”. I mean to say, hang it all, the clue’s in the ruddy words, for Heaven’s sake! I got rather steamed up, I must admit, and it was only at the spectacle of my going red in the face and roaring at their sheer bally nincompoopery that they actually started to laugh! So you see what I am saying. Smile out loud indeed. But with me, rather than at me.

Anyway, to the substance of your question. I should very much like to correspond with my daughter-in-law, Kate. I’ve never really quite “broken” the ice with her, even after all these months. We both get rather tongue-tied in each others’ company – seems like a lovely girl but we’ve barely exchanged three words. Writing her a letter might be a good way of establishing what the French, and, no doubt, the Belgians call a “rapport”. I should ask if she prefers to be addressed as “Kate” or Katherine”? Both feel awkward, somehow.

In the event that I win this competition, I’d be obliged if you could send my copy to Highgrove, rather than the Palace. My father swiped the copy sent to me by the publishers – each morning, he marches to the lavatory with it under his arm, his stentorian guffaws resounding up the corridors as he reads extracts as he performs his, er, movements. I’m really not sure I want it back after it’s been in there.